Get ready it's going to be a pity me post!

It seems that every where I turn someone is getting pregnant! Before the Air Force came in the picture Daniel and I were going to start working for baby #2. I always wanted my first two babies close in age because with my brother and sister so far apart I never really got to know them. I want to make sure that my babies get to have that close sibling relationship that Daniel's family seems to have.

I can't have a baby right now because if I were to get pregnant it would diquilify Daniel from being able to join the Air Force. That mean's all of our hopes and plans for the future are out the window and Daniel would work at Office Depot for the rest of our lives. We wouldn't even be able to afford another baby since we can't even afford to live on our own!

I think it is worse that I know how it feels to have a baby grow inside of me and to be able to give birth to that baby and build that mother baby bond. I would give anything ANYTHING to be able to have a baby and still be able to take care of my family.

I still have to wait, because the Air Force mean's insurance for the three of us, a house of our own, being able to go on real vacations and seeing parts of the world that I would never get a chance to without the Air Force.

We have a plan which is a good thing, but it sucks to have to wait. I still get phantom kicks from when I had Nathan in the womb and that just reminds me even more of what I'm missing. I want a baby, I want a little brother or sister for Nathan, I want to be able to announce that our little family will become a family of 4. I can't do that, I can't do that until Daniel get's back from basic and we don't even know when he will be leaving. I'm sick of crying about the whole thing. It feels like I cry every other day because I want another baby so bad.

I know I have a baby but Nathan will only be a baby for another week, then he will be a toddler! I saw Sarah's new born Abbie and how little and perfect she is and I can't wait to have a perfect newborn of my own. I don't care if it is a boy or girl as long as he/she is healthy that is all that matter's. Maybe hopefully soon the Air Force will kick it into gear and get Daniel though basic and we can finally start working for that big family that we want....maybe....someday. Until then I'm going to try my hardest to hold my head high and be happy for my friends that are expecting and know that if Heavenly Father has it in his plans for me to have another baby soon then He will make it happen. Until then I'm going to try and make this down hill slope turn into a up hill slope.